If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
