i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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