How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
