dude i'm inner monologue high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
