i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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