and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
