actually, I'm a sock model
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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