It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
