I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
