Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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