i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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