alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
