Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
being pregnant is like rehab
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
