so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
