Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
