i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
