chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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