i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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