Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
