I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
