vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
