Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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