She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
