I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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