we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
