Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
