Plan B is the new Plan A
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
