We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
someone owes me an orgasm
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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