It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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