i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
