Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
