Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You are a genius and a whore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
