Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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