hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
