Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
