loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
