I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
