it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
