Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
