I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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