My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
