"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
