Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
