I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That accounts for only three of the penises
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
