; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
