She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
