So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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