dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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