Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
