I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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