I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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