my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
