I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
