she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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