just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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