I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
