***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
