I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
