im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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