You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
