so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
