Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
