I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
