I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
