Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
