No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
