i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
