i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
