Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
