I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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