Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
