yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
