Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
