i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
