Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
